I was looking for some good love advice articles to read (I’m always looking for new ways to improve my relationship), when I stumbled across a Cosmopolitan article entitled: “Don’t Ask Your Girlfriend’s Dad if You Can Marry Her.” I immediately paused, and decided to read through it.
The argument of the author, Jill Filipovic, is that asking your girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage is not a sign of respect, but a sexist practice. She proceeds to tear apart the tradition and dismisses it as something we need to get rid of.
According to a 2015 survey from TheKnot.com, more men have been asking for the father’s or parent’s permission before getting down on one knee than in 2011. We went from 71% of men asking for permission up to 77%. This respectful tradition is not dead – it is growing.
Jill Filipovic is correct on one thing: asking for her father’s permission is not a sign of respect to the woman.
It is a sign of respect to the family.
Marriage is not just between two people, it is a joining of families. When you ask your girlfriend’s father and/or mother for her hand in marriage, you are asking to be a part of her family. You trying to join yourself with her in every possible way, and that includes being a part of her family.
Asking for permission is also a way of letting the parents know that they don’t have to worry. That when they are gone, he will be there to stand strong for their daughter and help her through tough times, just as they have done throughout her life.
Regardless of whether her parents say yes or no, the ultimate decision is hers, but it is still respectful to her family to ask them for their blessing. Their blessing is something to take into consideration when moving forward with the wedding.
Let me know in the comments below if your husband asked your parents for their blessing.
This past Friday, my workplace had a “dessert-off” where employees could bring in their desserts and our three anonymous judges would taste test, determining which dessert they liked the most. My pumpkin cupcakes came in 3rd place.
Pumpkin Cupcakes Recipe
Makes 24
Ingredients:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 can (15 ounces) pumpkin puree (or just use your own homemade puree)
4 large eggs, lightly beaten
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pans with paper liners; set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and allspice; set aside.
In a large bowl, whisk together, brown sugar, granulated sugar, butter, and eggs. Add dry ingredients, and whisk until smooth. Whisk in pumpkin puree.
Divide batter evenly among liners, filling each about halfway. Bake until tops spring back when touched, and a cake tester (AKA toothpick) inserted in the center comes out clean, 20 to 23 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack; let cool completely.
Once cool, top with your choice of frosting (I picked cream cheese).
Try it out for yourself and let me know how it turns out!
Ben and I went pumpkin picking with the UNC Kenan-Flagler partner group Kenan Connection. There’s this cute little farm in Raleigh, NC called “Page Farms” that we went to.
Page Farms Pumpkin Patch
After an adorable and short hay ride from the farm to the pumpkin field, we arrived to a wide array of pumpkins. A lot of the kids and families that had attended ran for the larger pumpkins to carve, but Ben and I were on a mission to find the perfect pumpkins to puree.
We picked out the smallest pumpkins we could find! The first one we found immediately. It was in plain sight as soon as we got off the wagon. There were no weird bumps or lumps in it to be seen, and it was already removed from the vines.
Ben and Me at Page Farms with our Pumpkins
The second one we had issues finding. We had to really go into the pumpkin patch and dig around a little. Once we found it, Ben, being the strong guy he is, manage to rip it away from the vines after a bit of pulling and twisting.
We took our pumpkins, hopped on the hayride back to the farm and headed back home.
After setting these bad boys on my kitchen table, I quickly got to work on making pumpkin puree.
Pumpkin Puree Recipe Ingredients: 2 small pumpkins; 1 cup of water
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
Cut out top of pumpkins like you would to carve a pumpkin
Cut pumpkins in half, scoop out the seeds. If you want to roast the seeds, save them for later.
Cut the halves down to quarters.
Pour 1/2 cup of water into each pan.
Lay pumpkins down (skin touching water) in the pans.
Cover pans and pumpkins with foil.
Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour, or until tender. You should be able to poke the pumpkin meat with a fork easily.
Scrape pumpkin meat from shells, and puree in the blender. I found that using a paring knife worked best – simply peel off the pumpkin skin with your paring knife to get the most out of your pumpkin meat.
Puree pumpkin meat in a blender. Add 1/4 cup of water if it’s not coming out smooth.
Keep in mind that it is a messy recipe, but it is so worth it! You can make all sorts of pumpkin treats with your puree.
Let me know in the comments below what you use pumpkin puree for!
It’s official: Ben and I have been together for two years! In two years, a lot has happened. We’ve both moved to Chapel Hill, Ben is currently working to get his MBA at Kenan-Flagler Business School, and I’m working hard at my career as a Marketing Coordinator.
For our anniversary, I wanted to get Ben something special. So I did what any other creative person would do: I took to Pinterest. I immediately started searching for anniversary gift ideas.
There were so many cute ideas, but I really wanted to do something different for Ben. That’s when I saw this post:
It was perfect! But look at that price tag: $90.00! I work hard for my money, so I was definitely not going to spend $90.00 on a single gift when I knew I could do it myself for way cheaper.
I headed right on over to Walmart to pick up a small canvas, some acrylic paint and brushes. I knew exactly what location I wanted to paint: Jason’s Deli.
Ben and I had our first “unofficial” date at Jason’s Deli with our friends, Tori and Jeff. It was our first time hanging out, and it quickly became an accidental double date.
He paid for my food, held open doors, etc. I laughed at all of his jokes (in all seriousness, he is a funny guy), touched his knee or his forearm whenever I had the chance, etc. We finished each other’s sentences and automatically knew what the other was about to say. There was a lot of flirtation happening on both ends that happened that night.
If you want to make a map for your partner for less than $10.00 (and way less than $90.00), here are the steps that I took:
First, look up in Google Maps the location of your first date. I printed out the map so I’d have a hard copy to look at and wouldn’t risk getting any paint on my laptop.
Then I did a rough sketch of the map on the canvas – making sure to highlight where water was and where land was. I laid out the 3 colors I was going to use for the map itself (white, green, and blue).
Next, fill in the land areas (I mixed a drop or two of green with about five drops of white paint). And then the water areas (again, a drop or two of blue with about five drops of white paint).
I let it dry while catching up on a few episodes of “Once Upon a Time” on Netflix. Next, I did my best painting the roads with the smallest brush I had and white paint.
I then put a red heart on the approximate location of our date. I watched a few more episodes of “Once Upon a Time” while it dried – I had an entire season to catch up with before season 7’s premiere.
Once that was finished, I wrote out the words to make sure they’d look good, and then I painted over them with black paint.
The above photo is the finished work I gave to Ben, and he absolutely loved it!
If you try it out, let me know how it goes in the comment section below.
“I’d love to give a presentation on social selling to the company.”
The words slipped right out of my mouth before I could even process what I was saying. No one had asked me to present. No one had even bothered to ask me for social selling advice in the past.
So why was I offering to give a presentation on social selling?
Because I just knew that I had to do it. To gain some more experience, teach my coworkers how they can use social media to their advantage, and to prove to myself that I could do it.
The next thing I knew, I was up in front of about 50 employees with two (or was it three?) cameras all set on me as I talked about social selling for 30 minutes. And those cameras? They were recording so my presentation can be sent to over a thousand employees in other locations.
No pressure.
Public speaking is never easy, no matter how much experience you’ve had. That stage fright never really goes away. I was terrified up until I started my presentation and let what I had practiced come into play.
If you’re dealing with a public speaking event, here are a few of my tips to help you get through it:
Take a Public Speaking Course If you haven’t already taken a public speaking course, sign up for one today! The public speaking course I took was back in college a few years ago, but the techniques I learned then still help me with presentations today. If you can’t take a public speaking course…
Try out Toastmasters Toastmasters has meetings in almost any city you can think of. They’re an organization that is dedicated to helping people develop communication and leadership skills. When you attend a meeting, you get to practice your presentation or speech in front of others, and they will offer feedback that will help you hone your skills.
Join an Actors Group
Acting can help you get used to being in front of a crowd. It might be intimidating at first, but even if you’re not a such great actor, you can still have fun while learning to get in front of a crowd.
Outline Your Speech
Do not write a 5 paragraph essay and then attempt to memorize it. It never goes over well. Simply outline your speech with specific points and facts that you want to make sure you mention in your speech and then talk about those points and facts when you present. This keeps the pressure of trying to make sure every word is perfect away and focuses more on the ideas and facts you want to present.
Prep In Advance This means practicing your presentation, getting your PowerPoint slides ready, and memorizing your speech outline. Practice for 15 minutes a day and you’ll be fine.
Do you have any more suggestions to make? Leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts.
At work, I recently got to write about a letter that portrait artist William Branson III received from the Cardinal of Mexico. Check out the translation and reflections on the letter by clicking here.
Just this past January, Paulette Perhach wrote an article for The Billfold called “A Story of the Fuckoff Fund“. The article depicts a nightmarish scenario where the main character (you) has just graduated college and is off into the world of adulthood. Little expenses such as lunch out with coworkers and shopping for pricier clothing add up, and the main
character gets into a relationship with a seemingly nice guy. Things get serious and the main character moves in with the boyfriend.
Things spiral downward fast when the “nice” boyfriend turns abusive and the boss starts hitting on the main character. Panicked, the main character has no idea what to do.
But Paulette Perhach provides a “choose your own adventure” option.
The first nightmarish scenario she provides could happen, or you could start your very own F*ck Off Fund right out of college like the main character in the second scenario. By shopping in thrift stores, skipping out on the expensive lunches with coworkers, and taking up a weekend job, the main character builds a strong F*ck Off Fund. This fund is meant to be her parachute – the thing that keeps her afloat when all hell breaks loose in her life.
The moment her boss starts hitting on her, she is able to drop by HR, report his creepy butt and strut out the front door. Living with an abusive boyfriend? No problem – she’s outta there and in a fabulous hotel room, searching for a new apartment just for her.
So many people fall into the trap of thinking that they’ll be fine and be able to rely on their SO or their parents to help them out with a financial crisis. In order to avoid this, the author suggests living like you’re still a broke college student. Don’t eat out, waitress on the weekends, buy from the thrift stores, and always keep your finances on the forefront of your mind.
Read this article to see how you can build your own F*ck Off Fund.
Valentine’s Day has always been my favorite holiday.
Yes, even when I was single, and no, I am not lying.
Being a writer, I suppose it is a given that I’m a romantic. But I am also a planner. I ordered my partner’s gifts back in November, wrapped them in January, and am totally psyched to spend my favorite holiday with my favorite person. Still, I love looking over Valentine’s Day ideas and getting some last minute advice to make my special someone that much happier on the big day.
To help combat the fiasco of ideas on the internet, I decided to come up with a list of my own cute surprises that have been greatly appreciated by my very own valentine:
Writing out reasons why you love your partner allows them to read your kind words every day as they get ready for work and for bed. Don’t you love to hear it when your partner compliments you? Do the same for them!
List all of the reasons you can think. Or, if they only have a mirror in the bathroom, write out 5 reasons and replace them with new reasons each week.
I know that when my boyfriend discovers a new batch of reasons I love him (the reasons are endless, of course), he gets a huge grin on his face. It’s the best feeling in the world when I know I’ve made my partner’s day.
Pick up a dry-erase marker (DO NOT ATTEMPT WITH A PERMANENT MARKER), and start writing on their mirror. They’ll check it the next time they’re looking at their reflection in the mirror and love you all the more for it.
2. Make a Meal for Them
We have a huge advantage this year with Valentine’s Day being on a Sunday: brunch! I love brunch. I have never met anyone that doesn’t love brunch, and I’m pretty sure that your lover would love brunch too.
You can’t cook? Take your sweetheart out to brunch. Most restaurants are cheaper in the morning and early afternoon than at night. Save major bucks on this thoughtful surprise and earn their appreciation in one fell-swoop.
If you can cook, whip up some pancakes, eggs and bacon for a nice Valentine’s Day brunch. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but I believe the way to anyone’s heart is through good food. Surprise your love by making breakfast for them.
If they sleep in, that’s even better. Serve them breakfast in bed, and get ready for the adoration in their eyes.
Just make sure to tidy up once you’re finished…
“Here you go, Valentine!” you say as your partner looks just beyond you at the mountain of dishes in the sink, the pancake batter spilled on the counter, and the egg shells cracked on the table.
Talk about a mood killer.
Make sure you wash those dishes ASAP, so your love won’t have to lift a finger that morning. In fact, make sure you tidy up around the place so your love can focus on you the entire day.
Cleaning doesn’t have to be a major hassle. My rule of thumb is to wash as you go along so you don’t have a pile of dishes at the end.
Your love will adore you all the more for it.
3. Slip a Love Note into Your Valentine’s Briefcase
Okay, I always fail with this one. My boyfriend is the worst with surprises. Seriously. The worst.
He’ll go out of the room for a moment, and I’ll slip a little note in his briefcase. Almost immediately he’ll come back in the room and say, “Oh, I need to work on something really quick.” Then he proceeds to reach into his briefcase and…
Bam. Surprise ruined.
But if you have luck on your side, your partner won’t see it until they go into work the next day. Just make sure the note isn’t super embarrassing looking. Your Valentine might not appreciate extra attention at the office for a sparkly card or sequins popping out of their briefcase pockets while their coworkers snicker in the background.
4. Give Them a Massage
I love to give my boyfriend massages. And it’s not just because I get to see him shirtless (swoon). When I give him a massage, he is more relaxed, more cuddly and even more appreciative. I hear “you’re wonderful” almost every time I give him a massage.
If you want to hear your SO tell you how much they appreciate you, purchase some massage oil and get to work. There are tons of massage how-to’s online that you can take ideas from.
Don’t feel confident in your massaging abilities? Book a massage appointment for you and your partner. Go on Groupon to find major savings and deals, and get ready for some pampering.
5. Write a Love Poem
Being a writer, you would think that writing a poem would come easy. It doesn’t. It’s hard to write about the person you love. Picking words to perfectly capture your feelings about someone is practically impossible.
There have been days where I have stared at a blank page with my cursor flashing back at me as if to say, “Well? I’m waiting.”
Which is why they will love it. The thought that goes into writing a few words about your significant other will be appreciated. What person doesn’t like a poem written about them?
There is one catch: you need to make sure all of the words are spelled correctly. I had a friend receive a poem from a guy and he misspelled “Aphrodite” three different times in three different ways (Afrodite, Aphrodity and Afrodiety). A few misspelled words turned his thoughtful gift into a fiasco.
“Of a fine, stout love, it may. But if it is only a vague inclination, I am convinced that one poor sonnet will kill [love] stone dead.”Lesson learned: spellcheck is your best friend.
Make sure that the poem is personalized in some way. Love poems, in general, are easy to write. Personalized love poems, however, are difficult to master. Add a bit of your history as a couple to the poem for a more personalized love poem.
For more tips on how to write a love poem, check this out.
If you’re really not feeling up to writing a poem, look up a few of the classics to send him/her throughout the day. They will appreciate the sentiment and have a nice surprise in their messages.
6. Create an “I Love You” Alarm on Their Phone
Once again, my boyfriend is the worst with surprises. The absolute worst.
I tried this, thinking that at 8:00PM that night, he would be pleasantly surprised by an “I Love You” alarm. You know, it was just a little reminder that I love him. I thought it would be a nice change from the usual loving texts I send him. I wanted to make him smile. I figured it would be a cute surprise for him.
Nope. Of course not.
The second he came back in the room after I finished fiddling with his phone, he noticed the little alarm clock alert in the corner of his screen.
Yes, he ruined the whole surprise.
But, if your partner is easily surprised, create an alarm with the words “I Love You” at the time of your choosing.
This pleasant little alarm will put a pep in their step and remind them that you love them.
7. Steal Their Car and Put Gas in It
According to Buzzfeed, it’s a good way to surprise your boyfriend – but, as a woman, I know your girlfriend would appreciate it too. Who doesn’t love a full tank of gas courtesy of a loved one?
Steal their keys while they’re sleeping or busy with something else, and take their car for a spin to the gas station.
Extra Credit: Drive it through a car wash.
These are just a few of my suggestions! Leave a comment below with ideas to surprise your Valentine!
Fitness guru, Cassey Ho, recently came out with a video on why she will never diet again. The founder of Blogilates and POP Pilates comes clean about her struggles with her previous extreme dieting. In the video, she lists less than ten things she was allowed to eat during her training for a bikini competition according to her competition trainer.
Apparently, as the competition came closer, her trainer got stricter and stricter with her diet. It got so bad that he even scolded her for eating iceberg lettuce because it had “too many carbs.”
Her struggle with orthorexia (obsession with eating healthy foods) was developed in 8 weeks, but lasted much longer than that. Cassey Ho developed a fear of apples and bananas, believing fruit to have too many sugars and carbs. After the competition, Cassey Ho kept restricting her diet, but she started to gain weight.
Her body was clinging to any calories it could get, making maintaining her weight impossible. With her weight fluctuations came embarrassment, especially since she posts workout videos every week, and is well known fitness instructor.
But eventually, she got back on track with her eating habits. She questioned why she was working out and eating the way she was. Was it really for her or to fit an image? Being a fitness instructor, Cassey Ho deals with critics all the time. There will always be petty people trying to tear her down, but through self love and self respect, Cassey Ho started her healing journey for herself.
Watch the video below or go to Cassey Ho’s blog to learn more about her journey.
Who here is guilty of writer’s block? I know I am. Anything from trying to write an essay to getting the words out for a blog post or working on your next epic novel can conjure up writer’s block.
And let me tell you: it is the worst. Especially when you have a deadline.
Spongebob experiences writer’s block
Which is why I decided to attend a meeting led by Gail Z. Martin, author of The Chronicles of the Necromancer, that would address these issues. After sitting down with some fellow writers to discuss how to get out of a rut, I wanted to share a few ways you can over writer’s block and get back in the groove:
On top of helping you burn calories, exercise helps your concentration. So get your workout in today and reap benefits ASAP!
Work on Something Else
Yup. Step away from the laptop and go tackle that DIY project you’ve been meaning to get to for the past few months. Have laundry to do? Get it done while painting your nails. Go grocery shopping. Do something productive other than what you are trying to write.
One suggestion from a fellow writer was to “write in another dimension”. In other words: if you’re writing non-fiction, try a fictional world for a change. If you’re working on poetry, try short fiction. The point is to shock you out of your daily routine so you can get back into the work flow when you return.
Come back to work after an hour or two of doing something else, and you might be surprised what you are capable of accomplishing.
Walk and Talk it Out
We’ve already mentioned some of the benefits of exercise when it comes to your writing, but discussing your rut with a friend might help. Gail Z. Martin explained that whenever she is having trouble, she and her husband go for a walk to talk out where she is stuck in her writing.
By talking about it and processing it out loud, you will be able to work through your issues and even get an idea or two from your friend, partner, or coworker.
These are just a few of the ideas that were tossed around by myself and other writers. Leave a comment sharing what you do to get out of a writer’s rut!
be a nice change from the usual loving texts I send him. I wanted to make him smile. I figured it would be a cute surprise for him.
to for the past few months. Have laundry to do? Get it done while painting your nails. Go grocery shopping. Do something productive other than what you are trying to write.
Elizabeth Yuen 