It’s happening: Ben and I are moving in together! After being together for a little over two years, we’ve decided that when he graduates from Kenan-Flagler Business School (May 2018), we’re going to take the leap and move in together.
This was not a lightly made decision. Ben knew for a while that he was going to ask me to officially move in with him, and I made it perfectly clear that it’s something I wanted. It’s something we have been discussing for a while now, especially as we move onto the next chapter in our lives.
Since we’ve decided to move in together, I’ve been spamming my Pinterest boards with DIY ideas, incorporating both his style and mine, and taking a look at apartments. I’ve also been looking for advice to make the transition from living a single life to living together smooth.
Here are a few tidbits of advice that have stuck with me:
Live by Yourself This piece of advice was given to me by my mom. In order to have some sense of independence before taking a huge leap of living with your significant other, it’s really important to live by yourself for a period of time. Which is why, as soon as I could afford it, I decided to get an apartment for myself.
Decide Why You’re Moving in With Each Other Yes. You are going to save money. Yes. It will be convenient no longer having to drive to each other’s places. No, these are not the reasons you should move in together.
Discuss Finances
Who’s paying for what? Are you joining your finances or keeping them separate? Do either of you have debt? These are important questions to answer before you move in together.
Know Where You Stand in Your Relationship
If you’re looking to move in just to settle for less than marriage (when that’s something you want), then you’re moving in for the wrong reason. It’s important that the two of you are clear on where you are in your relationship, your views on marriage, and have a timeline for when you want those things to happen.
Respect One Another’s Space Normal people need time alone. It’s important to think about how you’re going to respect each others’ space when you move in together. Ben and I are looking for spacious apartments that will have 2 bedrooms so we can get our much needed alone time.
What advice do you have for couples moving in together?
I was looking for some good love advice articles to read (I’m always looking for new ways to improve my relationship), when I stumbled across a Cosmopolitan article entitled: “Don’t Ask Your Girlfriend’s Dad if You Can Marry Her.” I immediately paused, and decided to read through it.
The argument of the author, Jill Filipovic, is that asking your girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage is not a sign of respect, but a sexist practice. She proceeds to tear apart the tradition and dismisses it as something we need to get rid of.
According to a 2015 survey from TheKnot.com, more men have been asking for the father’s or parent’s permission before getting down on one knee than in 2011. We went from 71% of men asking for permission up to 77%. This respectful tradition is not dead – it is growing.
Jill Filipovic is correct on one thing: asking for her father’s permission is not a sign of respect to the woman.
It is a sign of respect to the family.
Marriage is not just between two people, it is a joining of families. When you ask your girlfriend’s father and/or mother for her hand in marriage, you are asking to be a part of her family. You trying to join yourself with her in every possible way, and that includes being a part of her family.
Asking for permission is also a way of letting the parents know that they don’t have to worry. That when they are gone, he will be there to stand strong for their daughter and help her through tough times, just as they have done throughout her life.
Regardless of whether her parents say yes or no, the ultimate decision is hers, but it is still respectful to her family to ask them for their blessing. Their blessing is something to take into consideration when moving forward with the wedding.
Let me know in the comments below if your husband asked your parents for their blessing.
It’s official: Ben and I have been together for two years! In two years, a lot has happened. We’ve both moved to Chapel Hill, Ben is currently working to get his MBA at Kenan-Flagler Business School, and I’m working hard at my career as a Marketing Coordinator.
For our anniversary, I wanted to get Ben something special. So I did what any other creative person would do: I took to Pinterest. I immediately started searching for anniversary gift ideas.
There were so many cute ideas, but I really wanted to do something different for Ben. That’s when I saw this post:
It was perfect! But look at that price tag: $90.00! I work hard for my money, so I was definitely not going to spend $90.00 on a single gift when I knew I could do it myself for way cheaper.
I headed right on over to Walmart to pick up a small canvas, some acrylic paint and brushes. I knew exactly what location I wanted to paint: Jason’s Deli.
Ben and I had our first “unofficial” date at Jason’s Deli with our friends, Tori and Jeff. It was our first time hanging out, and it quickly became an accidental double date.
He paid for my food, held open doors, etc. I laughed at all of his jokes (in all seriousness, he is a funny guy), touched his knee or his forearm whenever I had the chance, etc. We finished each other’s sentences and automatically knew what the other was about to say. There was a lot of flirtation happening on both ends that happened that night.
If you want to make a map for your partner for less than $10.00 (and way less than $90.00), here are the steps that I took:
First, look up in Google Maps the location of your first date. I printed out the map so I’d have a hard copy to look at and wouldn’t risk getting any paint on my laptop.
Then I did a rough sketch of the map on the canvas – making sure to highlight where water was and where land was. I laid out the 3 colors I was going to use for the map itself (white, green, and blue).
Next, fill in the land areas (I mixed a drop or two of green with about five drops of white paint). And then the water areas (again, a drop or two of blue with about five drops of white paint).
I let it dry while catching up on a few episodes of “Once Upon a Time” on Netflix. Next, I did my best painting the roads with the smallest brush I had and white paint.
I then put a red heart on the approximate location of our date. I watched a few more episodes of “Once Upon a Time” while it dried – I had an entire season to catch up with before season 7’s premiere.
Once that was finished, I wrote out the words to make sure they’d look good, and then I painted over them with black paint.
The above photo is the finished work I gave to Ben, and he absolutely loved it!
If you try it out, let me know how it goes in the comment section below.
Valentine’s Day has always been my favorite holiday.
Yes, even when I was single, and no, I am not lying.
Being a writer, I suppose it is a given that I’m a romantic. But I am also a planner. I ordered my partner’s gifts back in November, wrapped them in January, and am totally psyched to spend my favorite holiday with my favorite person. Still, I love looking over Valentine’s Day ideas and getting some last minute advice to make my special someone that much happier on the big day.
To help combat the fiasco of ideas on the internet, I decided to come up with a list of my own cute surprises that have been greatly appreciated by my very own valentine:
Writing out reasons why you love your partner allows them to read your kind words every day as they get ready for work and for bed. Don’t you love to hear it when your partner compliments you? Do the same for them!
List all of the reasons you can think. Or, if they only have a mirror in the bathroom, write out 5 reasons and replace them with new reasons each week.
I know that when my boyfriend discovers a new batch of reasons I love him (the reasons are endless, of course), he gets a huge grin on his face. It’s the best feeling in the world when I know I’ve made my partner’s day.
Pick up a dry-erase marker (DO NOT ATTEMPT WITH A PERMANENT MARKER), and start writing on their mirror. They’ll check it the next time they’re looking at their reflection in the mirror and love you all the more for it.
2. Make a Meal for Them
We have a huge advantage this year with Valentine’s Day being on a Sunday: brunch! I love brunch. I have never met anyone that doesn’t love brunch, and I’m pretty sure that your lover would love brunch too.
You can’t cook? Take your sweetheart out to brunch. Most restaurants are cheaper in the morning and early afternoon than at night. Save major bucks on this thoughtful surprise and earn their appreciation in one fell-swoop.
If you can cook, whip up some pancakes, eggs and bacon for a nice Valentine’s Day brunch. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but I believe the way to anyone’s heart is through good food. Surprise your love by making breakfast for them.
If they sleep in, that’s even better. Serve them breakfast in bed, and get ready for the adoration in their eyes.
Just make sure to tidy up once you’re finished…
“Here you go, Valentine!” you say as your partner looks just beyond you at the mountain of dishes in the sink, the pancake batter spilled on the counter, and the egg shells cracked on the table.
Talk about a mood killer.
Make sure you wash those dishes ASAP, so your love won’t have to lift a finger that morning. In fact, make sure you tidy up around the place so your love can focus on you the entire day.
Cleaning doesn’t have to be a major hassle. My rule of thumb is to wash as you go along so you don’t have a pile of dishes at the end.
Your love will adore you all the more for it.
3. Slip a Love Note into Your Valentine’s Briefcase
Okay, I always fail with this one. My boyfriend is the worst with surprises. Seriously. The worst.
He’ll go out of the room for a moment, and I’ll slip a little note in his briefcase. Almost immediately he’ll come back in the room and say, “Oh, I need to work on something really quick.” Then he proceeds to reach into his briefcase and…
Bam. Surprise ruined.
But if you have luck on your side, your partner won’t see it until they go into work the next day. Just make sure the note isn’t super embarrassing looking. Your Valentine might not appreciate extra attention at the office for a sparkly card or sequins popping out of their briefcase pockets while their coworkers snicker in the background.
4. Give Them a Massage
I love to give my boyfriend massages. And it’s not just because I get to see him shirtless (swoon). When I give him a massage, he is more relaxed, more cuddly and even more appreciative. I hear “you’re wonderful” almost every time I give him a massage.
If you want to hear your SO tell you how much they appreciate you, purchase some massage oil and get to work. There are tons of massage how-to’s online that you can take ideas from.
Don’t feel confident in your massaging abilities? Book a massage appointment for you and your partner. Go on Groupon to find major savings and deals, and get ready for some pampering.
5. Write a Love Poem
Being a writer, you would think that writing a poem would come easy. It doesn’t. It’s hard to write about the person you love. Picking words to perfectly capture your feelings about someone is practically impossible.
There have been days where I have stared at a blank page with my cursor flashing back at me as if to say, “Well? I’m waiting.”
Which is why they will love it. The thought that goes into writing a few words about your significant other will be appreciated. What person doesn’t like a poem written about them?
There is one catch: you need to make sure all of the words are spelled correctly. I had a friend receive a poem from a guy and he misspelled “Aphrodite” three different times in three different ways (Afrodite, Aphrodity and Afrodiety). A few misspelled words turned his thoughtful gift into a fiasco.
“Of a fine, stout love, it may. But if it is only a vague inclination, I am convinced that one poor sonnet will kill [love] stone dead.”Lesson learned: spellcheck is your best friend.
Make sure that the poem is personalized in some way. Love poems, in general, are easy to write. Personalized love poems, however, are difficult to master. Add a bit of your history as a couple to the poem for a more personalized love poem.
For more tips on how to write a love poem, check this out.
If you’re really not feeling up to writing a poem, look up a few of the classics to send him/her throughout the day. They will appreciate the sentiment and have a nice surprise in their messages.
6. Create an “I Love You” Alarm on Their Phone
Once again, my boyfriend is the worst with surprises. The absolute worst.
I tried this, thinking that at 8:00PM that night, he would be pleasantly surprised by an “I Love You” alarm. You know, it was just a little reminder that I love him. I thought it would be a nice change from the usual loving texts I send him. I wanted to make him smile. I figured it would be a cute surprise for him.
Nope. Of course not.
The second he came back in the room after I finished fiddling with his phone, he noticed the little alarm clock alert in the corner of his screen.
Yes, he ruined the whole surprise.
But, if your partner is easily surprised, create an alarm with the words “I Love You” at the time of your choosing.
This pleasant little alarm will put a pep in their step and remind them that you love them.
7. Steal Their Car and Put Gas in It
According to Buzzfeed, it’s a good way to surprise your boyfriend – but, as a woman, I know your girlfriend would appreciate it too. Who doesn’t love a full tank of gas courtesy of a loved one?
Steal their keys while they’re sleeping or busy with something else, and take their car for a spin to the gas station.
Extra Credit: Drive it through a car wash.
These are just a few of my suggestions! Leave a comment below with ideas to surprise your Valentine!
With all of these fantastic gift suggestions out there, I decided to compile a reasonable list of what to actually get your boyfriend for his birthday. Because after he blows out his candles, he should want to stick around instead of jumping out a window.
It is my firm belief that there is nothing sexier than a well dressed man in a suit and tie. If your guy has not so great taste in fashion or just needs more work clothes, a few quality button-up shirts and silky ties will do the trick.
Don’t know his style or his size quite yet? Make sure you get a gift receipt so if there’s anything that doesn’t suit him, he can just take it back and get the right size.
If you don’t have a lot of money to spare (we’ve all been there), get him a nice pair of cuff links. They are something he can wear every day and some websites will let you put his initials on them.
These are great if you are in the beginning stages of dating and don’t know what his measurements are to get a shirt or a pair of pants.
My brother can testify – there is nothing more exciting to a man than some cool gadget that they can show off to all of their friends. It doesn’t matter what piece of technology you get them (honest). As long as it looks cool, functions and is in high demand at the moment, your boyfriend will love it.
Technology is a gift you can give him at whatever stage you are at in the relationship. TIP: I don’t recommend getting him a plasma screen TV if you’ve only been dating a few months or so, but getting him some high tech earbuds or an accessory for his phone is definitely a good idea.
Figure out what kind of music he likes and score some tickets for a fantastic evening for the two of you. It’s even better if he likes classical: you can both dress up in your nicest outfits (maybe he’ll wear one of the shirts and ties you bought him) and have a romantic evening.
I cannot stand suggestions to “clean his house in lingerie” and “cook for him in a skimpy little outfit”. Logically speaking, if you were to try cooking in nothing more than your underwear, there is a high possibility of you accidentally getting burning hot oil in a few very uncomfortable places.
That being said, if you are in a tight financial spot or simply want an evening alone with him, then cook him a meal (with all of your clothes on, preferably).
I can’t tell you how many cooking fiascoes I have had (ugh, carrot cake problems). And that’s without the pressure of cooking for someone else. Make sure that you can actually cook. Find out his favorite foods and make sure you practice before trying to cook for him. Practice makes perfect and gives you a higher chance of not burning down his kitchen.
If your boyfriend is into sports, take him to his favorite football or baseball game. It’s okay if you don’t know the first thing about sports. The point isn’t for you to show off what you know – it’s to make sure your significant other has a good time.
If you have no clue what’s going on in the game, ask a couple of questions so he at least knows you’re interested and having a good time. If you’re a sports maniac, then hopefully you’ll have a good time too (unless you’re rooting for the opposing team, then things could get a little messy).
Have a scent you love? Buy your boyfriend some cologne that you adore.
If you’ve been having trouble weening him off of the old Axe spray (hello high school flashbacks), a cologne picked out specifically by you should do the trick. Make sure you coo about how much the scent turns you on and you can bet he’ll be wearing that stuff every day.
It doesn’t have to be expensive. You can get him some nice cologne for as little as $15.00, depending on how much you want to get him.
See that your boyfriend’s watch is getting too worn? Go shopping for a new one. Make sure to keep the receipt, just in case he’d like something more his style.
Do not make a heart shaped collage with photos of the two of you. Do not make a pillow with your face on it. And, most importantly, do not make a scrapbook of all the reasons you love him.
Do bake him cookies. Do knit him a scarf. Do sew him some throw pillows (because guys usually don’t have them). Keep it simple. Keep it sane.
These are just a bunch of my ideas. Leave a comment down below with your suggestions!
“Do you see us dating more seriously in the future?”
I nearly spat out my bite of pizza when I got that text from my closest male friend. I blinked down at the text in confusion. Where the heck had that come from? And more importantly, why didn’t this guy have enough backbone to ask this question to my face?
The use of the words “dating more seriously” also implied that we were, in fact, dating. Which, according to my horrified expression and pizza dropped from shock on the floor, I thought we were just ‘hanging out’.
I felt irritation bubble up deep inside of me. Again? This was happening to me again? I have dealt with male friends in the past popping up out of nowhere with confessions of love for me, but I have always been confused: I thought that we were just hanging out.
Why did they always approach me thinking that we had been dating? When had the signals been so confusing? With all of their casual hit-ups on the phone and last-minute
hang out plans to watch Netflix, I was so turned around that I couldn’t even give them a well-thought out answer.
How had every single one of my guy friends in the past just automatically assumed that we were dating? I had always tried to give an impression that I was a) not interested in them b) we were strictly friends and c) there was no chemistry between the two of us.
Did watching action flicks with guy friends count as a date? Did going dutch on a meal mean we were actually dating? When someone wouldn’t pull a move, were they really just shy or were we just hanging out?
And that’s when it hit me: I have no idea what the difference between a hang out and a date is.
According to New York Times, courtship is dead. More and more people are approaching romance casually. The good old days of calling someone to actually ask them out to a nice restaurant are dwindling. Who needs to pick up the phone and call someone to ask them out when you can just Facebook message, text, email or tweet them instead?
Take Mary (Drew Barrymore) from He’s Just Not that Into You for example. After meeting a man on MySpace (does anyone use that anymore?), she is overwhelmed by the lack of proper communication in their exchanges. What has happened to dating?
“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”
Does a date require someone to pick up the phone and call you? Or does a casual text now count as asking someone out?
From Huffington Post’s article “How to Tell if You’re on a Date”
And on the actual date (or hangout or whatever this is), what makes it official? Does one person pay for the meal or the movie ticket? Is there some verbal code that needs to be cracked? Like, is the way they say “hello” an indicator or something?
Huffington Post does not believe that there is a way to tell, but the investigative writer in me refuses to believe that. Match.com, however, says that there are a few ways you can tell whether or not you are on a date.
If one person pays, then it is a date, but if you go dutch, then it is a hang out.If he or she goes for their wallet before you even see the waiter, that’s a huge indicator that you are on a date.
If a guy or girl asks you out last-minute, then it’s most likely either a hang out or a booty call. Someone who is interested in you as a potential love interest will not ask you to come over late at night to “watch movies” (we all know what that means). Someone who wants you in their life will actually have a plan. They will set a time and a place and give you ample time to prepare for the date.
When they ask you out, they will appear nervous. With technology being so vast and giving people new ways to ask people out on dates, it is hard to figure out whether someone is nervous or not (nervousness does not come across via text very well). I asked a man out recently and was so nervous that I made the plans via text in order to see if he was interested in me or not (I know – I need to get it together and brave the ever daunting “first phone call”). Regardless, I was nervous and I am definitely interested.
From my own experiences (and fails), I also came up with a few ways to tell whether or not you are just hanging out or are on an actual date.
Physical contact will happen. If a guy or girl is interested in you, they will try to initiate contact with you. Whether it’s a hand on the knee or a purposeful brushing of the fingers as they hand you an alcoholic beverage, someone interested in you will attempt to show their interest in a physical manner. If, by the end of the evening (or afternoon, or whenever you have this get together), they have not attempted to hold your hand or touch you in any way, keep it moving. This so-called date is officially a hangout.
If it’s not a date, they will ask “Do you want to hang out?”. I understand shyness. Really, I do. As I mentioned before, the last guy I asked out made me so nervous that I had to text him in order to ask him out. What’s even worse: I had to draft the text a few times in a notebook and then spent a few hours debating whether or not I should actually go through with it. My text, mind you, never mentioned the words “hang out”.
Any hint of the words “hangout” should make you want to run in the opposite direction. If you’re looking for a date, and they say “let’s hang out,” get out of there fast. They are not looking to commit and they are not looking to date you properly.
This isn’t to say that hanging out with a guy or a girl can’t lead to dating later in the future. But if they aren’t upfront with their intentions, getting more serious could mean mission impossible for the two of you.
If you have any more ways to figure out if it’s a date or a hangout, please leave a comment and feel free to discuss below.
be a nice change from the usual loving texts I send him. I wanted to make him smile. I figured it would be a cute surprise for him.
Elizabeth Yuen 